Just fell off a train. Bad.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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