considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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