There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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