so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
