Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
