i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
