im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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