God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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