can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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