True but thats because hes a fetus.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
