what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
