One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
