Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize