I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
