I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
