I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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