i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
