My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
