good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
