Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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