I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
