Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
