i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
