I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
