ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
