he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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