You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
