This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
