Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize