Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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