we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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