I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
