so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
