weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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