Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
