Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
50% drunk capacity currently
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
