This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
