I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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