Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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