laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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