Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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