you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize