so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize