I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
soo... how was my night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
