I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
