Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
