Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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