I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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