Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
