ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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