At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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