I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
