You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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