Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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