So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
