I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
