More tranny stories later!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
