You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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