Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
