Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
