Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
