had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
