he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
