the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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