Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
