My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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