Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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