apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
