Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
